Can you feel the excitement in the air? Is it as palpable as the fear, the anxiety that of which follows thoughts of complete failure and loss of control.
I woke up in the middle of night not but a few nights ago. I was completely drenched in sweat. I'm not sure I had a nightmare or anything but then again you don't always remember every dream or nightmare that you have. Now that I look back on it... what if it was a panic attack? Most people would describe themselves as "cool" and "laid back." So, of course, I am too. Right? I'm not so sure. I think what woke me up in the middle of the night was an anxiety attack that wouldn't subside. Well at least I can adapt to any situation and this situation in particular calls for a little bit of a radical change. I have to get this entire wedding kicked off within.... :80 days (roughly)... Oh yeah I guess I haven't really written too much about that. We are planning on August 21st, 2010 for the day we bring our two families together. A day that seems to have been in the works since we were children. My best friend, soul mate, my every dream culminated into the most gorgeous woman I will ever lay eyes on, will be my wife on that day. So begins.... the planning.

The church, the reception hall, the invitations, the registries, the cake, the flowers, the colors, the music, the pictures, the tables, the chairs, the table decorations, the food, the drink, the alcohol, the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, the rings, did I say food?... the engagement party, the food for that, the invitations, the games, the drinks.

We are pregnant. So I don't really want her stressing out about these details. She would rather just run to the courthouse with me anyway being the awesome woman that she is. I just want to put the effort forth to prove that no task is too much when it comes to her. I want both families to get the chance to feel involved. And besides, I guess I really just want to memories.

School is going great... so maintaining at least a B average shouldn't prove too difficult. We start clinical rotations this week.

Work... is.... work. I can't even get a raise to the level of nursing student care partner yet RN's I work with need me to teach them how to do things. I'm just blessed to have work right now. I'm glad I get benefits for only 20 hr/wk even if I never use them..... well I gotta get back to it.

Mom needs her window A/C installed before she and Michelle boil alive in this heat.

I wish I had my grandfather here for some words of encouragement.

Why buy the cow?

We started N302, our second semester, with the most boring and tedious A&P review known to man. As I write this, the pregnant wifey is sitting next to me writhing with abdominal pain. I try so hard to comfort her during all this but I really just try to be there next to her during the hard times. All my training, motivation, and skill sets are stripped down and worthless when compared against making babies. I can't even imagine.... Everyone in the family knows now. We are just now starting to come to terms with it ourselves now ;0)

Baby,
I can't wait to meet you. You have to understand that with what happened to your cousin, your mom and I are on tenterhooks. We would like to think that we will be alright if you decide this world isn't good enough for you and that you want to go straight to heaven. To be honest, we will be devastated. I can't wait till we will see your smiling face. Stay forever young and be patient with your old man.

Anyway we started the semester and it is primarily a pathology based semester. We've moved onto IV med and IV med math. This semester is fast, intense and is combined with a speech class. We have to pick up our patient assignments on tuesday after lecture and then we have Wednesday and Thursday clinical.
Interesting point
We have to make a care plan for every week and every patient which is to be expected. Some type of torture they've invented is the grading of these care plans. First of all, it is either SAT or UNSAT. Second, we are only allowed to submit three of these care plans for a sat or unsat. And to make it even more incredibly nerve-racking, two of them must be sat! So next time you want to bitch about your nursing program, save it.
Some issues have already become clear, only two semesters in, regarding men in nursing school. I've noticed that several of the women in the class are being funded by multiple sources of women-only scholarships/grants that are from what I can tell affiliated with the hospital. When I ask the financial aid department I get half-hearted diversionary responses. Obviously I'm not going to state that no funding exists for males in nursing school but I've already run up against a wall. The ladies didn't even have to apply for this funding source. The financial aid department took care of it for them and just requested a short letter from the students. I've barely gotten started and I can already find an area that needs support for males in nursing.

Out of death comes new life and stronger families

A little baby became an angel today. We had our funeral for Melissa's niece today who was a stillborn twin. I thought that since I was in the hospital with the family during the delivery of the two beautiful little ones, that somehow it might have been easier today to be there for them at the service. Boy, was I wrong. But it brought everyone together. I literally mean everyone, at least on her side of the family. We had four generations under one roof enjoying the new life and mourning the premature loss. It was a perfect time to reveal that we were pregnant or so at least my sister in-law who suffered the loss seemed to think. Turns out she was totally right. Everyone was extremely receptive and happy for the news. Missy and I were just in this state of trance-like bliss after telling so many people.
This is the biggest step in my life. To see how close this family is even with all their issues with each other is so inspiring. I'm drawing from the deepest source of strength and unity that I once thought couldn't exist. Don't read too deep into this. My family definitely rocks. My younger cousin Andrew and I are closer than brothers. We may have a little distance between us as of late but I can seriously tell him anything. He'll be our babe's uncle as far as I'm concerned. My mom and her sisters are another story... One we just won't get into on a blog like this.
We had our first appointment on Wednesday, May 5th. We are going through a midwife and we are going to try and go medicine free.
N302 is a sort of pathology section of RN school. Our little break was technically less than a week and we are starting 302 on Monday. I got "validated" this morning which is an insult to our intelligence much like everything else in this school. Validation consists of getting a yellow sheet of paper that may have just as easily been mailed out to our apartment that just proves that we paid in advance either with arranging financial aid or just paid however possible... 'bumps in the road,' I just keep telling myself it is all just 'bumps in the road.'

Nothing can get me down... my baby is having my baby and there is work to be done.

Dad, RN

You like the title?? As I explained earlier, I'm not really anyone of those things yet. The truth is, they're more like goals. I have definitely started working on them. I'm 26 turing 27 in June. I just finished up my first semester of RN school with a strong B in N301 and two A's in both psychology and pharmacology. I also got to work on having children. We found out not very long ago that we have a bun in the oven.

We are both totally excited and a little on edge. About the same time we found out we were pregnant, my soon-to-be brother and law and his wife lost one of their twins and delivered a beautiful girl along with her sister who left us. It was extremely traumatic for everyone and I can't imagine the thoughts and feelings the two of them went through. I stayed close by and the situation really seemed to strengthen our bonds as family.

All of this has happened in my little tiny two week break between my first and second semester. We were going to try and use the break to make a little extra money by picking up extra shifts. I was going to work some more shifts on an ambulance for the city of Richmond and in the only level one trauma hospital in Richmond (do you pick up on the vagueness... I don't need any drama that comes from being too specific). We both work in the hospital on a brand new unit for the past few months and so far so good.

My fiancee and I will admit we weren't exactly trying not to have children but we definitely weren't opposed to it either. It may seem foolish to some to have a baby in the middle of both parents going through nursing school, yes the same school accepted us both, and only being able to work as PCP (see earlier post) 20hr/wk on yes, the same unit together. Foolish in the fact that we probably won't be able to afford anything and will have to make many sacrifices but also foolish in the fact that we will never have time apart. I used to subscribe to such nay saying. I once believed that there was such a thing as being too close. Until I met her. We have two unique souls heading parallel directions. We applied and could have ended up anywhere, but the same nurse manger interviewed us together and the same nursing school accepted us.
What do you think? Is there such thing as spending too much time together? Or is that something we are just told to think in our socially engineered culture? Besides, where is the quality time in all that we are doing anyway? We could literally be together 24/7, which we're definitely not, and still hardly see one another more than 3 hours a day for quality time.
I know no one reads this yet but I would be interested to hear some opinions...

2300-0700 at the hospital tonight... then dinner with my aunt and fam tomorrow evening where we break the good news...

Unique?

Okay, well I just started this about 10 minutes before I have to get my last set of A.M. vitals on my 8 patients. They aren't really mine. See, I am simply a Care Partner for now. Patient Care Partner, Patient Care Technician or Nursing Assistant; whatever you want to call it makes no difference. It's grunt work, its not simple despite the earlier description. It's 0500, I am a vital signs machine, a male nursing student and a husband and father-to-be.

I know this isn't the rarest of situations, but hopefully it will be a glimpse into a not so common set of adventures, problems and joys that only my life could produce. After all, we all like to think our own lives are one of a kind and who knows... they could actually be. All I know is I'm psyched to see what happens...